How to raise our children?
How to educate children so that they do not have an inferiority complex and a constant feeling of guilt? How to educate children and not to alienate them from themselves, and to stay and support, and friends and wise mentors? How to educate preschool children, to give them experience and knowledge, but to be able to respect them, to see them in full, although it is still small, but the PERSON?
No one said raising children is easy. But often we are raising children, “extreme”. A child is the hardest thing not even the fact that parents slapped his ass, or lost his temper and scolded. The hardest thing for the child that he does not always understand the actions of adults. And also the fact that in those moments when we are adult, are wrong, we still continue to persist in your opinion, don’t apologize, don’t apologize and don’t explain why behave this way and not otherwise.
Raising a child, explain to him everything, every step, every action towards him. Why did you do so? Why not let him? Why require it? To coming into adulthood, he immediately began to live according to their interests, and were not engaged in raking systems and the realization of why parents doing so and not otherwise.
My parents I didn’t explain why they act the way they did. As a result, I retired from my parents at 23, to 30 years shoveled their attitude towards me. In my childhood I thought: “They’re so smart and know everything, understand everything. They have already something was going on, they always did everything right and good. Well-behaved and things.” Gradually I saw that no they are not perfect. Themselves mistaken, you do not even recognize their mistakes. And behave towards me is not very decently. Why do they do this? Why make me feel stupid, inept, worse than others, not worthy of anything good?
I spent 7 years to realize that I am not worse than others, I lost a lot of opportunities to make your life more interesting, because she thought that I don’t deserve better. I did not allow myself even to dream of a better, taking what is there.
Feelings of guilt and low self-esteem has an impact on personal relationships. I thought: “Guys that I like, I certainly will never pay attention. And my fate of those, who like me, and I left with it only to accept”.
Self-doubt and low self-esteem influenced the work. I thought: “good job I would not take, because there are people better, so don’t even try”.
Imagine how parenting in childhood and parents to take us shapes our attitude, resulting in a way of our daily lives! We consider ourselves unworthy of the best and not allow ourselves to take it the best. When I realized all this, my life began to be adjusted, I felt that everything in my hands. That all depends on me and life became more interesting.
To my child should not have to suffer so that the daughter lived a full life always first with us, then their own, I try to explain to her all your actions, all your words. It’s not just her, but me in the first place. Because pronouncing their actions, their thoughts, we redefine them. Realize in a new way, see our mistakes and correct them.
Now I just do it when I’m wrong. I just say, “I did wrong. To make mistakes is not terrible, terrible error not to recognize. I’m human, and humans err. Now I will think how to correct the situation.”
I’m talking with the child as with an adult. I don’t know how childish adults to explain things, so I don’t even try, what do you think and say.
Things are called by their names. Recently happened here is the situation. Husband came to get her daughter to school, and it is not. He ran through the corridors — no child. He asked the teacher where the daughter, she said, “someone’s already taken”.
And he had a tantrum. He called me on the phone, yelling and swearing. Then called the grandfather with the woman, found that they took it, to calm down but could not. He went to him for a child, yelled at her daughter all the way SO that her head started aching.
I get home from work, the child in tears, the father incessantly nags her and yells. In the end he went to put the car, I took her to bed and she asked me: “Mom, why dad is so evil and bad?”
What would you say to a child? That’s why he is bad? Yelling at?
I said: “Dad is not bad. When he came to school and found out that you don’t, he was scared to death. He thought the worst thing that you stole. And unknown now, will we find you someday. And with my dad became ill, he does not know how to Express their grief differently. He begins to scream, yell, all that one feels is to blame others. This is because it was never taught to Express emotions properly. It was not my fault, dad we’ll forgive that.
But for the future we will think if we get into a situation that to not respond correctly. Anyone good with that. At first, dad was scared, now he is bad and he feels guilty, but doesn’t know how yet and forgiveness to ask for.”
The daughter could not sleep, when her husband returned, she ran over to him and began to talk about how he understood why dad was screaming that she’s not mad at him, and very fond of him. The husband was speechless at once, the burden of guilt fell from him and he too was able to calmly explain to her your reaction itself.
It all starts with ourselves, if we understand ourselves, we are able to explain it to a child. Be aware of yourself, dig in yourself. Remember the relationship with your parents, analyze. Your head is always with you, analyze and meditate all day in a row. It always has the time. Now I look at parents in his childhood, lived near them as a textbook. I remember their behavior in certain situations, analyze it, fix it yourself, don’t do so already with your child.
And if you did, then explain why I did so. Right or wrong, the child has no guilt in this. If there is no load of guilt in the child, no complexes and disadvantage. He relaxed, and then will move through life with confidence. This will allow it to achieve its goals, to be satisfied and happy. And not to hide in a corner, missing the best of everything by himself, because he thinks he’s not worthy of good.
Very few children who are able to rise no matter what. The bulk believes that parents instilled in them in childhood. “Clumsy, stupid, sloppy, nobody is getting married, daughter will not be married that they will fail that all of this is not the best for them, etc, etc”.
These errors are corrected parent is easy, you just have to admit it to parents and to apologize to the children for the fact that they were wrong. Start now and you will see how children will change. The child is just blooming when she hears that he is not to blame for the fact that the parents are fighting.
It would be okay if he messed his baby clothes, or something broke. Just need to continue to be cautious and careful. And it will be much neater, if you say it calmly, without blaming or comparing with others.
Watch a child as he tries, when you trust him. Tell a little story of our lives. We came to the cafe, the daughter in the new t-shirt, then we needed to go to the familiar. I bought her a meal and thought that she was going to zabiraetsya and we will come dirty. But I told her: “Please try to eat carefully, then we go for a visit, it would be inconvenient to come in spots”.— As she tried, it was funny to watch from the side, but she was so afraid not to justify my trust. AND WAS PURE. I couldn’t believe it. But it always. At the table wearing her clean and say: “Eat carefully.” Now stained blouse we have a big rarity.