Continue to communicate with the child.
Author’s Preface This book is about the communication of adults with children and to some extent adults among themselves. It continues and deepens the theme of my previous book “to Communicate with the child. How?”
Judging by the reader reviews, the first book was useful. Many people told me about the positive changes in their lives that occurred after reading it. In meetings with very different people – they were parents and children, couples and singles, students and business people – we discussed the difficult issues of parenting, communication problems, difficult situations. So have accumulated a living material, which was included in the new book.
In addition to living stories, the book uses the ideas of outstanding professional psychologists, educators, philosophers and thinkers. Another priceless steel material vivid descriptions of emotions in works of fiction, memoirs, biographies and autobiografia. It is only through real stories, personal experience and practice, you can reach a deep understanding of what was trying and trying to give us outstanding humanist scholars and practitioners who have chosen as their profession to help people in the education of children and the development of the self. Therefore, every “theoretical” is the word I’m trying to illustrate the ‘practical’ history and, conversely, each specific stories invite the reader to see common patterns and useful findings.
On in the book. I found it very difficult to build a strict linear “logic”. Everything in life is intertwined. Within a few days you can experience all: discontent and joy, harmony and contradictions, games and conflicts, concessions, prohibitions, penalties, forgiveness. If to speak about one thing, it inevitably clings more. Therefore, be divided into parts and chapters had conventionally, in advance anticipating the inevitability of repetition, and of course, the intersection of the topics discussed.
There are themes that run through the entire book.
The first is the knowledge and understanding of the child. A child gifted by nature, he has a strong need to grow and develop, he is able and wants to learn; he is stubborn, focused, fascinated by the world; it is immediate and emotional; he seeks our sympathy and at the same time protected from misunderstanding and a gross invasion of his world. The success of our mission as parents is very dependent on how we understand and take into account the nature of children. The description of their requirements and motives of their behavior, emotions and experiences, their inner world devoted several chapters of the book.
Next topic – the ways and means of raising a child. Unfortunately, in the field of education still has many erroneous opinions, outmoded and flawed traditions. Among them is the practice of coercion, strict punishment, “training”, suppression of freedom and the child’s personality. This practice is preserved in the generations passed modern parents, leads to difficult problems in families. Often parents do not know how to act differently, because they did in childhood.
In this book, like the last, we discuss the answers of parent questions: “How to educate? How to teach and discipline? How to punish? How to do so, he studied?”.
It turns out that to find the answers, we have to expand beyond conventional thinking. You need to be in our dictionary has included not only the verbs “to learn”, “teach”, “direct”, “make”, “require”, but also “please”, “play”, “develop”, “to inspire”.
Practical answers we find in the work of prominent scientists, educators and parents. Their experience, which is discussed throughout the book, more eloquent than many words. In the end, how else to learn, if not to learn from the masters?
Previous topic of parenting, of course, intersects with the topic of communication. She runs like a red thread through all the chapters of the book. In dealing with children it is important not only what we provide, but also how to help survive the difficulties. The ability to listen, to Express themselves, to be positive, to resolve conflicts are in communication technology. The foundations of these techniques are described in my previous book. Same here (especially in the third part of the book) they are discussed in more deeply, with important details.
Despite the main thrust of the book – raising a child, I found it necessary to include adult themes. On it were two reasons.
First, the basic rules and principles of effective communication are universal. They operate not only in relationships with children and personal relationships of adults. However, in the development of communication skills children are moving surprisingly fast, usually ahead of adults.
Second, a harmonious relationship between adults is a necessary condition for emotional well-being of children and their development in General. So parents it is very important to pay attention to the style of communication with each other and with others. I hope that in the book, they will find help in this respect.
Many readers know that simply reading a book and even many books “about communication” is far from enough. Need practice! Without attempting to try a new approach- a new way to react, to respond, to act, to Express their feelings – nothing. Old habits sit tight.
However, believe me, to change their habitual behavior is quite possible. Don’t give up! Initially, the new tone or the words may seem artificial. The artificiality arises from excessive voltage. But then it passes. New ways to conduct automated and become as “involuntary” as they were old.
What you hold in your hands this book suggests that you want to change for the better. Perhaps you are already trying to communicate in a new way and receive confirmation of useful, and sometimes just the “magic” of the action the right techniques. With all the success you want warmly to congratulate, as they instill the faith in possibilities of literate communication, but also in your own strength.
But that’s not all. Very soon, you will notice changes in ourselves. Many readers write that as mastering effective communication techniques they, surprisingly, starting to feel different: more relaxed and confident. They begin to understand children and loved ones, less irritated, more listen to the feelings of the people, and this comes from within.
So work on the outer side of the behavior changes the internal state of a person! The efforts spent on mastering techniques that pay off!
I offer my sincere gratitude to all those who contributed to this book. Many parents, friends, colleagues, known and unknown to me readers in person and in letters shared their questions and problems, concerns and observations, successful samples, experience and remarkable achievements. They always stood by their children live, sincere, straightforward, talented and at the same time needing our help. So created a common friendly “field” invisible community of people who worked hard for the welfare and happiness of children and loved ones. This field has been enriched by the unique contributions of each and, in turn, the moral support of everyone, including the author of the book.
I am deeply grateful to the artists: Elena Belousova Marina and Fedorov, attentive to all the wishes of the author, and creative expression in their drawings.
My special thanks to Irina Umnova, kindly agreed to review and edit the manuscript. Her high professionalism in the field of literature, journalism and psychology helped me to see and feasible to correct deficiencies as the General composition of the book and the presentation of individual chapters.
A very special thanks to my husband, Alexei Rudakov – always patient listener, companion and Advisor on all issues that have ever come to my mind. His clear mind math, a broad education and an unmistakable taste made him a principal participant and judge text which was written for this book. All remaining imperfections refer, of course, to your account.